They say I'm 'out', but...

I’m having issues with exposing my sexuality. It’s a very personal thing! Is it necessary to make it known to everyone around me? (I understand that during our fight for tolerance, we have to be open about things we might not normally be open about. Doesn't make me like it.) Honestly, I don’t want people to know, not because I'm ashamed, but because it's my own damn business. But I also know they THINK they know unless I tell them otherwise (they assume I like to have sex with boys) but talking about it is not something I’m interested in with anyone other than someone I’m interested in. And I want to explore it MYSELF, I don’t want to have to define it to everyone else. Or have them suddenly define me as something… whether or not I AM that thing (lesbian, queer, whatever) the point is, sexuality is a fluid thing, and should be allowed to be so. Hell, I’m sure most of us has only a vague idea of what we reallllly like and want because we’re so busy defining it for everyone else. Shit.

The Good Life

Eating high raw and vegan while traveling – what a trip! (no pun intended) My apologies for my lack of posts – I arrived in Minnesota last night to attend my grandfather’s memorial service, and haven’t had the opportunity to sit down and bang out my reflections until now.
First, I must say that I am very fortunate in that my family (both extended and immediate) has been ridiculously accommodating. There was not a snarky comment to be heard when I opted for only fruits and veggies at dinner last night. I was even taken at my word when I said “no, thank you, this will be more than enough.” Immediately after dinner my jet-lagged parents and brother drove me to the grocery store to pick up some fresh food for my time here. I couldn’t ask for a more loving and supportive family.
At dinner, as we munched on our respective veggies and pork sandwiches, my uncle flipped on the slide-show that will be shown at the memorial service. My handsome grandfather grinned at us from the television, a king in his fishing boat, towering over my fierce little grandmother, letting smaller versions of us cousins pull at his beard, smirking at a stupid joke his son was telling, pipe in hand. He spent his adult life doing what came naturally to him and what he was passionate about; soaking in the great outdoors, shooting the sh*t with gentlemen who needed a good man to look up to gardening, and the social work & counseling that he was still involved with when he passed away. Looking at these snapshots of his life, I couldn’t help but think, “this was a life well lived”.
I want to live my life fully like my grandfather, to be satisfied with the breaths I take. Obviously each of us has to answer for ourselves what the definition of a life well-lived is, and for me, a piece of the puzzle is as simple as exercising most days and eating lots of fruits and veggies - & no meat and dairy. Not only does it make me feel more alive and stave off depression, it’s a choice I can make every day that’s in line with my beliefs about how we should treat the land we live on. And it gives me infinite more energy to be with the people I meet and those I already love, which is deeply important to me.
To be honest, I am so exhausted in so many ways (it’s been a busy few weeks) that once we finally made it to Minnesota, I was tempted to just give up, sleep in, and eat whatever was in front of me. But I want to do honor to the potential for a “life well-lived”, so I’m going to drag my butt out of bed each morning and don my running shoes, and I’m going to say “no thank-you” at least 5 times at every meal, and it will be more than worth it. I know I’ll have more energy and clarity to listen, to be compassionate, to laugh – and I know when I make my body happy it is so much easier to just relax – which may be the most important thing when spending a week with the entire family...

May we all come closer to living our version of a good life this week – and in the years to come.

Hot Tasty Treats

It's more difficult to VegWrite than I imagined... there are so many things to take into consideration; I want to write about the glory of French Fries: how they can be shared joyously with just about anybody, are always cheap and available, and never fail to bring a twinkle to my friends' eyes when they realize they can share a precious part of their big greasy meal with their friend on a “strict diet”. But my conscience is panging at me - is someone who hasn't had much exposure to veganism going to read this and be turned off by the thrill I get out of eating soggy ol' fries? Will they (mistakenly) think that the only joy I find in my diet is in those "naughty" foods that everyone else eats anyway? Do I really want my very first post to be about a digestible whose consumption has contributed to the illness and death of a frightening number of Americans?

Let me tie together my scattered thoughts by saying that while I do believe in the cases where veganism is a choice, the choice is a serious one, whether it's for environmental reasons, health, ethical reasons, etc. It's taking a bigger picture into account than the here-and-now and requires time, effort, and yes, sacrifice, so I do want to take it seriously. However, one of the reasons I am so excited by VeganMoFo is the fact that it puts an undeniably human face on a lifestyle that is often dehumanized. Anyone with the patience to scroll through a few of these blogs will (I'm sure) find the diversity and sheer humanity a potent aspect of the experience... so here's to French Fries and frivolity in the midst of our valiant but flawed attempt to do the right thing.

IT'S VEGANMOFO 2009!!!!

I am unbelievably excited for an excuse to chatter on about one of my favorite subjects - food!!

For more info about VeganMoFo (The Vegan Month of Food) check out http://theppk.com/blog/2009/09/18/its-veganmofo-the-vegan-month-of-food/.

I'm typing this on the run, so can only give a quick shout out to Sugar Snap Peas as one of the Perfect Foods this glorious earth has to offer and say - I promise I'll be back tomorrow for my first official VeganMoFo post!

Love and Veggies,

E

you. must. chill.

It’s incredible how relaxing sends waves of experiences through my body and images to my mind. I almost can’t focus on the mundane tasks at hand because I’m overwhelmed with musty old feelings being released and tiny revelations with every muscle I consciously unclench. Incredible, too, how the process never ends – I could spend all day focusing on relaxing each muscle that clenches with each perceived threat, each emotion I deem unacceptable, every habitual reaction to stimuli I’ve practiced for years (hehe... stimuli). It’s quite ironically exhausting to remember to relax.

In the spirit of why the hell not... i haven't posted in forever.

Whoa.
Have been thinking a lot about my voice – releasing the physical and mental restraints that keep me from speaking freely or speaking at all. Have been reading "The Right to Speak” by Patsy Rodenburg. Was focusing on breathing into my belly and relaxing this morning so speaking voice wasn't as affected by physical habits unrelated to the present moment, and a funny thing happened. Teri noticed I was tired, even though I was in a different room. That’s something people only notice when they see my posture or eyes – I often (always?) disguise it with my voice, whether intentionally or unconsciously. She actually heard how I really was in the moment, without me having to say it. A SMALL VOCALTRY!! (hehehe... too much?)

On Commitment ?

I suspect this veganism adventure is somewhat like marriage.
Hear me out.
It’s a commitment I made on a certain day to live my life a certain way from here on out. I’ve noticed that the commitment can become old news quite quickly (it’s only been 2 months.) I find myself following the letter of the law instead of the heart, as my father is fond of saying. When I drive 10 extra miles to pick up a carton of soy ice cream, that defeats the purpose of not buying cow milk ice cream in the first place. I’ve chosen to live this way because it’s something I can do every day to help reduce my impact on the earth we share with a zillion other needy creatures (slightly defensive sidenote: I’m not just a soppy tree hugger, I swear; whether I believe other species are inherently valuable or not (I do), anthropocentric thinkers should be reminded that probably every species in our ecosystem has or will eventually have an impact on humans if their numbers dwindle or fizzle out).
If I remind myself that every meal is a choice to live what I believe, every meal becomes a tiny victory and choices like whether to drive to the store to get ice cream become… if not easy, then certainly clear with regards to my personal morals. If I just think of my dining choices as “something I do” or worse, being ‘vegan’ as “something I am”, my meal decisions become automatic and I make stupid choices in other areas of my life, forgetting why I took the leap in the first place.
Marriage has got to be something like that. While I’m sure in many cases the reasons one stays married are different from the reasons one got married, there’s got to be a regular reminder about the heart and intention behind choosing every day to come home to the same person, or one starts to make stupid decisions and forget the value and joy in choosing daily to fulfill an old commitment. I suspect.