I have come to the realization that what I am doing in my life is a sort of dabbling about to find what makes me happy. I am not altering a set course, nor am I starting on a new course, I am flailing, dabbling, testing. What is life but a searching? None of my actions or decisions or even the people in my life will ‘make me happy,’ of this I am quite aware. The only peace to find is in the way I interact with the world. I am here, and the world is what it is. My only choices are how I respond to all that’s around me. I can operate from fear, from despair, from deep hunger, and consume and consume in an effort to fill self. I will certainly do that. But I can also choose to operate from a centeredness, a knowledge that I can not change the world, but I can allow goodness to be a part of who I am, as well as all the things we call ‘bad’, making peace with the boredom, the confusion, the fear by allowing them to be a part of who I am without fighting them futilely or allowing those feelings to control my actions. And whatever actions I do take, whether they matter in the grand scheme of things or not, I can know that I took them in confidence and chose my best course in the moment, not being blinded by self-doubt or despair. I am me. All of me is all of me, the world is what it is, I can not go out and force it to be better; I can use what I have to be a better part of the world, however that affects my actions.