"- don't be so quick to knock it. People don't usually part with the weird shit they personally know because they know how easy it will be to punch holes in. Now I'm tellin you somethin. It's for you to poke through the soup and find the meat." John Patrick Shanley's 'the dreamer examines his pillow'

Saturday, June 17, 2006

12:33 the day katelyn left otterbein for good

Love. I have to write this while I’m thinking about it. Love is taking someone in where they are in the moment, and knowing that every moment is as much them as any other – not just when you feel ‘good’ or when you’re happy – love can be as complex as the humans that harbor it… we can love one another for being ignorant, for being tired, sad, for not knowing what to do – and i don't mean love them by thinking 'gosh, she's really all worked up about being late for work. that's adorable. i love that.' the love that I want is a love that says ‘I see that you are here now – you feel this and you admit this and you look this… and this I am here, and I embrace what you are right now and please embrace what I am right now. We don’t have to be in agreement all the time. That’s not human – that’s fabricated. you are upset about work, here's how i feel about that. (a real relationship between dynamic beings, not just strategies to 'get closer') We will change, and the changing together is what keeps us together.’ One of my favorite quotes is “Love is not two people looking at each other. It’s two people looking in the same direction.”
If you’re not willing to work, even a few moments’ worth, to find out where I am today, in the moment, and if I’m not willing to do that, whether it's ‘pleasant’ or incredibly uncomfortable, we are not loving each other. We are loving the idea of each other, which only serves ourselves and fills our warm-fuzzy-feeling hole, while our honesty and relationship fulfillment holes lay gaping and empty… There is a time and place for everything, I believe. There is a time and a place for saying “I can’t think right now, I can’t focus on you or myself right now, I’m lost…” and hopefully, in those times and places, someone who loves us will be able to stand beside us and say “I see that. I’m here.”
And hopefully we -I - can do the same.
Humans are ugly. We hold stuff the world calls shit in us – jealousy, pettiness, grudges, stupidity, etc. ALL of us. If we're honest with ourselves (which is the best place to start if we want to be honest with others.) And I have come to realize that what I desperately want (and am desperately afraid of, and have with at least one person) is a relationship in which we can admit all those things about ourselves and each other, and continue hand in hand on the road to self-discovery and world enlightenment, however that may play out…


Blogger Elysia said...

I love you. Always. When you're beautiful (always), when you're ugly (rarely), when you hurt, whenever. All the time.
I need to talk to you soon.

8:21 PM


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