"- don't be so quick to knock it. People don't usually part with the weird shit they personally know because they know how easy it will be to punch holes in. Now I'm tellin you somethin. It's for you to poke through the soup and find the meat." John Patrick Shanley's 'the dreamer examines his pillow'

Monday, March 28, 2005

The sun comes out again. I guess I forgot.

A continuation (sequel?) to March 4's post

I used to smile. All the time. I still do in public – it’s habit by now. But when I’m alone I just as often find myself with several involuntary wrinkles above my brow and a turned down mouth.
I found myself in this position recently on a brisk morning walk through my uncle’s neighborhood. Occasionally a car or two would drive by, and that natural self-consciousness would arise; that awareness of your demeanor that comes when you think others are looking at you. I realized that, sadly, my face probably only darkened their days as they passed. And what reason for that? Well, I was thinking. And yet all around me was green grass, blue sky, beautiful trees. And ahead of me lay two more relaxing days of wonderful fellowship with my cousin, aunt and uncle, and I didn’t even have to get up in the mornings. Still, I scowled as I pondered the heaviness of the future.
That sucked. So I got to thinking.
What about those people that you see smiling? Just, whenever. To themselves - however rare it may be. There’s nothing special about those people. They’ve been through as much life as I have, if not more. And they’re still enjoying this moment. I make a fool of myself if I decide that the magic is gone and therefore life is some sad affair. Men and women have been through infinitely more than I have, and still come out laughing in life’s face. What right do I have to put on some ridiculous mourning mask just because my training wheels got taken off and I fell over? What is there left but to stand up and keep trying, scraped knee or not? I will not let college life beat me – what a wimp that would make of me!! I WILL take joy in life. Only now I won’t be so surprised when I get knocked over. And that’s a good thing.
Alright life, bring it on.

P.S. I will totally tell you about New York! But right now (insert really great excuse that sounds a heck of a lot better than "I'm too tired").


Blogger Megan said...

hehe oh Beth. I want to hear about NY! You will have to tell me more some time. I loved calling u the other day. U r a ray of sunshine in the world. oh my!! remember...you are my sunshine....my only sunshine...ehehehe i love ya!

3:53 PM


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