And then the world came crashing down...

In a good way! I think.

Well God, I hope you know what you're doing, because I sure don't.
Big News: I got the freakin role I wanted!!! YES YES YES!!!!! Hallelujah!!!!! I worked my butt off for that role, and I am so excited!!!!! Only trouble is, it's in the middle of summer. So I probably won't be able to touch Oregon soil until mid - July. But that's ok. Kind of. I got cast, and I LOVE THIS ROLE! Guess what my name is? That's right, I'll be playing Lenny McGrath in Crimes of the Heart. I think it's a very good name, although it looks better on a certain Mr. Noller. I'll do my best to live up to it anyway.

The frightening news? There was another role I really really wanted - the lead in one of the three spring shows. Her name is Iriana. The play was just written, and it's juicy and challenging and raw and beautiful and the brilliant playwright will be working with the director and actors, changing the script as needed in rehearsals. I tried my best, but I didn't get the role, and I was okay with that. The girl who got it, Sara Alvarez, is absolutely amazing - she's this fiery little down-to-earth Junior, and she was perfect for the role. Since it's a new play, the whole department got together once it was cast and listened to the actors read through it on stage, so we can see how it changes from now to the performance. Yeah, she was great.
However, she got offered a four-month job at the Utah Shakespeare festival. She couldn't turn it down, so she had to give up the role of Iriana. And guess who the director wants to replace her?
Yes, I'm thrilled. But more than that, I'm scared Spitless. It will be the opportunity of a lifetime to work on a play like this, but
Holy Sausages, how could I ever live up to Sara Alvarez? The guy in the show Iriana is on stage with the most is one of Sara's dearest friends, in my opinion he's the most talented actor in our department, and he's always felt kind of awkward around me; how must he feel having to do this with me now? And there are some very disturbing scenes in the show... This is the most challenging role I have ever attempted - she's naive, but wild, almost animal-like, with a expressively sexual side. She sings haunting melodies she hears from the memory or ghost of her absent mother, and she has green skin - the play deals partly with racism. I will need to work a hundred times as hard to prove to myself and others that I have this in me, that I'm right for the role, even in the absence of Sara. I just need to get rid of this huge wall in my head that tells me I can't be good enough. That's the hard part.
No, it's all the hard part.
But what a priviledge...