"- don't be so quick to knock it. People don't usually part with the weird shit they personally know because they know how easy it will be to punch holes in. Now I'm tellin you somethin. It's for you to poke through the soup and find the meat." John Patrick Shanley's 'the dreamer examines his pillow'

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Summer in Ohio

I am now living in a new world, where I am young and inexperienced and I have to teach myself to be honest, because it doesn't come easily here. The truth of who I am is not as readily ingested, let alone embraced, by those around me as it has been in the past. Safety is no longer an option. It's sink or swim, when it comes to living up to my beliefs and priorities.
My summer house is alternately fantasically chaotic and mind-numbingly boring. Chaotic: naked swimming parties, drunken musical performances, walking into a room in my house to find someone I've never seen before having a smoke with (insert: Lillian/Meg/Luke/Cassie) for the fourth time this week. Boring: staring incredulously at Britney and Kevin episodes with Cassie, being completely, entirely, absolutely alone (which I haven't experienced in months,) eating soup, spaghetti, a tuna or peanut butter sandwich, or insant oatmeal for every meal.
It's rather up and down. And I've been as well. Up and down. What excellent grammar I have.
At times I'm gloriously in tune with God, worshipping or just enjoying time with him. I often take long walks and we talk for an hour or so. That's good. Really good. And being with people is more fun than I could have imagined - just the White House members and/or whoever stops by. But it's also stressful. And depressing. I long for someone who understands some aspect of the real me, not just how much fun I can be or how interesting of a conversationalist I am. Both of which I've been known to fail at miserably at times - nobody's perfect. But whatever. The fact is that as much as I love these people and have a very close connection to some of them, there's nothing like a loyal friend you've got a lot in common with.
I used to think anyone could be great friends with anyone if they tried hard enough, no matter how many differences you have. And I do have some real close friends here this summer who I don't have much at all in common with. That's great. But as much time as we spend together, we don't really understand one another's motivations, deep desires or struggles. And there are a couple I have a lot in common with, but I don't really feel like hanging out with them. I'm not being a prick, I swear, we just don't have great friend-chemistry. So, I guess the lessons of the day are:

1) Truly good friends are incredibly hard to come by.
2) Oatmeal every day sucks balls.
3) God is my only hope.

That last one is just kind of one I rediscover every day, so I thought I'd throw it in.


Blogger Crystal said...

Elizabeth, you don't know how excited I am that I get to see you! I wish it was July 11th now. I find that true friends are hard to come by, but keep hanging on. God will always be with you, no matter what you go through. I love you!

8:22 PM

Blogger Jennifer said...

my aunt and i prayed for you the whole way to the airport this morning.

4:03 PM

Blogger Neilio Wongizzle said...

also, i love you. and i think i wil call you today or tomorow. okay!

10:04 AM


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