"- don't be so quick to knock it. People don't usually part with the weird shit they personally know because they know how easy it will be to punch holes in. Now I'm tellin you somethin. It's for you to poke through the soup and find the meat." John Patrick Shanley's 'the dreamer examines his pillow'

Saturday, June 04, 2005

reflection crap

I finally have the time and energy to post.
Things are changing. Or the world is the same as it has always been, but it's affecting me now in new ways.
I have a wonderful group of friends. Truly amazing people - no more amazing than any other group of people, I'm sure - but I get to see these ones go through this part of life. Abigail, you are beautiful, and you've shown me much that I don't yet understand. Maybe I never will. Tonight Clare said "I've never been in love before Micah. I'm so happy." I said "Well you waited for the right one, at least for right now." Then, Abigail, you said "Why not fall in love as much as you possibly can? It's wonderful," and I thought, "why not?" So I'm going to fall in love and not be loved back. It's time to let go and live.
I truly love these people. You know what I love about us? It's not all fun. Sometimes we hate each other. And then we laugh until we piss our pants. And we're all so beautiful.
Lenny staying here was awesome. I don't think I could have gotten through the week without him reminding me that I'm always wrong and distracting me from thinking about useless stressful things. Lenny, you are wonderful. My friends loved you. You came at a weird time though. I wish you could have gotten a much clearer glimpse of what life is like here when we're not all so distracted and separate. But it was great to have you.
Sex is ok. I mean talking about it. People are freaked out about it. It's great to be around people who... aren't, occasionally.
I move into the White House in a few days, and it will be the beginning of a whole new college experience. Catherine is worried about me. "Will you be ok? I hear this... and this... and so-and-so's a blah blah blah..." But would I be ok no matter where I live? I guess it's kind of up to me, eh? Life is life. We get through the choices we make. And I don't think it's for better or for worse. Just different. So I'll be ok.
I went to a foam party tonight. What the crap? What is so exciting about dancing in a wet pile of foam and an inch of water with blaring music and strobe lights? What's the point? Your feet get wet and you get a headache? I'll take regular dancing any day. In fact, I'd rather dance naked in a field all alone in the middle of the day.
So, I don't know what's going on with God right now. But I've discovered that nothing satisfies more than Him. That's the truth as played out in my life. The more I party, the more I etc. etc., the emptier I get. Until I invite Him to the party, (as cheesy as it sounds,) but nothing satisfies for longer than an hour or two unless I talk to Him during and after and hang out with Him as well as the others. Or else I leave feeling empty. I hate empty. I love God. He is so patient.

So, here's to hate and love and Lenny and dancing and honesty and Otterbein college and all the acting each of us does every day of our lives. And God.


Blogger Jennifer said...

man, i learn something new about you, and something new about myself every time you post. whether a small or large something, i appreciate it.

6:52 PM


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